At the end of last year I decided to go back and study, with the hope to study Midwifery at University. My old qualifications where out of date so I had to re sit some Biology and Maths. To say this was a challenge with 3 young children and a brain that seemed to have fallen asleep was an understatement. I remember putting Levi my son in the bath for far too long so I could sit on the floor to write up reports and working every night to get it completed on time. I was so proud to get the marks required by the University and still am. I then had the long wait to see if I would be selected for a half day interview and I knew that I only had a slim chance with the course having far too many people applying. I could not believe it when I got an invite for an interview and I really anticipated the date. Then Covid19 struck and it was all done online. The wait to find out if I had a place was a test in itself especially with delay after delay. The day finally came, I got the much awaited email only to see the words ’ unsuccessful’ in red writing. I was gutted.
There is nothing more humbling than a big fat rejection and boy did I feel that sharp dagger. I could hear myself start to put myself down with negative thoughts about not being good enough or smart enough. It was a pattern I had learnt to stop in it’s track before and for that I am glad. I then decided to have a good word with myself because I am oh so familiar with how my mind can wonder into the dark. I allowed myself to be sad and disappointed because that’s normal and healthy. I was not about to allow my negative thoughts about myself fester. I decided to use rejection that could have made me an emotional mess and instead use it to better myself. What could rejection teach me? I always say there are moments in life that you can let destroy you or you can allow them to help build that layer of character you need to grow. Why waste something that only comes around once in a while.
I learnt 3 things through this:
1. You don’t have to believe everything that comes into your thought life. I choose to not to pull out a seat for rejection at my metaphorical table. Instead I decided to think of what I have achieved already and how far I had come. I choose to believe that my next steps in life would be bright and not in the shadows of rejection. I have changed my thinking from what if? to what’s next?
2. Rejection will try to fill you with fear not to attempt anything else that can see you fail. Our minds can go straight to ’ never doing that again ’ fear of rejection will see you never try to achieve dreams you have. If I want to be a Midwife then I will keep trying or go do something else that makes me happy, but the common denominator will be that fear of rejection won’t be at play.
3. Rejection can help you evaluate your life and what you think. Instead of seeing it as the end of the road, use it to see where you might be heading. I feel like now midwifery is out the picture for this year, I can get excited about new things. It can also strip us of little bits of pride. For me having this choice striped away did hit my pride a little and that can only be a good thing if I channel it in the right way. Pride is ugly so I am happy for it to take a little knock once in a while