It was not so long ago I was very excited for April to come but now April is here things are very different. This was the month my baby was supposed to make its way into the world and into my arms but instead I sit here with a slight ache in my heart yet a deep sense of peace surrounds me. Dates can really trigger emotions within me and I am sure it does the same in for many of you. Although I feel a bit sad at the moment I am so glad that April is here because allowing ourselves to feel sad is very healthy for the heart to heal. My hands are up high praising God for he is so good to me but my tears still hit the ground.
Mike Tison once said –
“everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth”
How real is this? Sometimes we can get all excited for something about to happen, and feel like we have things in control, only for it to all go wrong and for us to feel like we have been punched in the mouth emotionally (sometimes repeatedly). Often coming back from that can be so difficult and challenging. Disappointment is something we all face on different levels and at different times in life. This April for me brings back that feeling of being punched, it doest sting as much as it did before, but even older wounds can sometimes cause us discomfort and pain – and today I have to say I feel upset and disappointed that this month won’t bring me a new addition to our already wonderful family.
Keeping emotions all bottled up inside can often be a disaster for you and those around you. It’s good to show emotion, to share your disappointments and to talk openly (to people you trust and can support you) about how you feel. It’s just as important to be able to talk to someone and share your heart as it is for you to be that support to others that need it in their seasons of difficulty.
So how do we deal with disappointment ? I can only say what I do and if you can take something from that then great. I like to look at whatever disappointed me and allow myself to be upset and even angry at the situation. I do this because I tend to keep things bottled up and try to move on really fast. Sometimes we can feel like we are better people if we just smile and get on with it but I believe by allowing ourselves to be upset and sometimes even angry it makes a way for healing and moving on. I am not saying we should hold on to this anger, nor is it good to be angry or hateful towards others.
I then have to make the decision to let it go and not always dwell on what could have been because that just feeds my disappointment and feeds unhappiness.
Telling friends I trust how I feel is such a comfort to me, I feel so much better just offloading to them and knowing that they care. It helps me in times where I need to be loved the most. We can have a tendency to withdraw when we are hurt, but isolation is the worse thing for you when you feel rubbish. If you don’t have good friends don’t let that stop you talking to someone about how you feel. People care more than we give them credit for. Sometimes in our haze of disappointment and loneliness in our issues, we can feel like no one would ever care about how we feel.
One of my biggest keys I use is forgiveness. To forgive means:
- to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong)
- to stop blaming (someone)
- to stop feeling anger about (something) :
- to forgive someone for (something wrong)
- and interestingly “to stop requiring payment”
Often we can make others pay for the things that upset us the most. We can be short tempered or push away the people we love the most. Sometimes we need to ask for forgiveness and well as to forgive others.
People can cause some of our biggest disappointments in life and the pain of being hurt or let down by people you love can be so tough. When we are hurt the natural reaction to this is to hold a grudge because how dare they do such a thing. We can believe that our hatred and unforgiveness will somehow make the situation better. What actually happens is the opposite. We end up holding this grudge hoping it will hurt the other person and show them how it feels – when really they may be doing great, and could be unknowingly unaware of your hurt all the while you are the one suffering and not knowing how to fix things. Forgiveness is not saying what that person did was ok but its choosing to let it go. If you want to really move past it wishing them well in life can be more freeing than you would expect. Invite that person round for dinner, or surprise them with love and unexpected generosity. You’d be surprised at how quickly you can move past deep routed pains you’ve held when you choose to act in love and forgiveness.
I recently listened to a Podcast by Jimmy Dowds. He spoke about frustrating moments in our lives being ‘ incubator moments’ times when we feel stopped in our tracks but in fact, we are totally in the right place because we are not always ready to move on to the next stage of life. He talked about allowing our selfs to grow in the situations of disappointment and frustration so as to be ready for what’s next in life for us.
This month I may experience some sorrow and disappoinment but I know that I will grow through it and that my hope for the future remains bright!