I recently read an article by a married woman who said she regretted waiting until marriage to have sex. I feel that the article portrayed people who did wait as naive or brainwashed into thinking it mattered. So. I decided to write a blog about why I decided to wait until my wedding night to have sex and even gave my first kiss to the man I am married to today.
From a very young age I told my dad that my first kiss would be with the man I would marry and as I grew into a teenager I had a strong conviction that sex would also be something special just for my husband. I saw no point in dating lots of frogs before I found my prince and knew my heart was far to precious to lend out. Being someone who struggled with loneliness, this meant that at times everything in me wanted to be loved in such away by a man. However, deep down I alway knew it would never be enough. I was not interested in a temporary love because I knew this would fade, taking bits of me with it.
People who know me would say that I chose this because of my faith and yes that is a big part of it but that wasn’t the only reason. The bible does teach that sex should be kept for marriage and for some people this is insane but for me it was just obvious. I was told by many people to ‘try before you buy’. This did not make sense to me because I believe that sex is not just a physical experience but a deep and emotional bond shared between two people who love each other and who are fully committed no matter what.
You now may be thinking, well you can be in love and and it’s just the same, what’s so special about sex in marriage? In my opinion marriage offers a deep commitment that gives such a powerful connection between two people, it says commit to me before you get my body and my heart. Sex seems to’fix’ lots of problems in a relationship because it makes us feel wanted and loved. You have an argument and there is good old make up sex instead of talking about the issue. I believe waiting creates a couple who can communicate better as they don’t have all the physical affection to cover up problems.
I can still remember the excitement on my wedding day knowing that I was going to give my all to my husband. It was such a special time where I felt loved and valued. Was it worth the wait? Most definitely and I would not have changed my decision to wait for anything. I love the way my husband won my heart through getting to know me and captivating me through his character. He worked hard at even dating me by romancing me and showing me with his actions that he loved me. I believe if a man is not willing to pull out the stops out in dating it sure won’t last in marriage or even long in dating. I see so many people take advantage of others insecurities and they don’t put any effort in. I believe it’s so important for us to value ourselves so that we end up with someone that helps us grow as a person and not just help us exist.
A study appearing in the journal of family psychology suggests that couples that wait to have sex until marriage have a happier sex life than those who don’t. It also states that the marriage itself Is more stable. The study had 2,035 married couples take part and the findings where as follows:
•rated sexual quality 15% higher than people who had premarital sex
•rated relationship stability as 22% higher
•rated satisfaction with their relationships 20% higher
The benefits were about half as strong for couples who became sexually active later in their relationships but before marriage.
I write this article not to point a finger at people who have not waited or don’t want to at all. The reson for this article is to air my view which is very much in the minority in our culture today. Casual sex is everywhere and rarely raises and eyebrow so I feel like my voice on the subject is more that entitled. A lot of friends don’t agree with me on this issue and I still very much love them and believe it’s their choice. I also know of people who have had a colourful past that have decided to start a fresh and wait all over again. I believe we can all have fresh starts and we are not defined by our past. The last thing I want to do is make people feel rubbish or that they are not valued because they did not wait.